OCTOBER: THE MIND RESET

Hi everyone,

I hope you all had a blessed September. For me September was all about doing better. By doing so, I was able to realise how much the mind and how we think has an affect on the outcome of our behaviour. I was able to see that doing better involved changing the way I think.

I realised how many unhealthy beliefs I had, I constantly tell myself I am not good enough, smart enough even pretty enough. All of these beliefs have not allowed me to reach my full potential and I know I am not the only one.

Have you ever wondered why you believe what you do? Why do we believe the sky is blue? why do we believe red is red and 1+1 is 2? It’s because:

• We have been told by a credible source;
• The process of repetition.

Thats why my focus for October is about reprogramming the mind by challenging the negative self-beliefs I have so that they reflect what I want to achieve this year. Its going to require me to:

• Believe a credible source – Listening to what God says about me
• Use the process of repetition: Using positive affirmations everyday until I believe it

I encourage you to challenge you negative self-beliefs with these tools, and see what you end up achieving. If you decide to have the same focus as me or come up with your own do let me know!

With love always,

Temi xx

SEPTEMBER: THE MONTH OF DOING BETTER

Hey everyone,

I believe there is something so important in acknowledging new beginnings, whether that be the beginning of the day, month or year. I am a strong believer in starting how you mean to finish and failing to plan is planning to fail. Because of this, I like to acknowledge every new beginning in my life by setting goals and expectations for the new period ahead.

An idea that I adapted from my church is setting a theme/focus for each new month. I have been doing this for a while now, but I’ve decided that every month I will share my theme/focus of the month on here.

SEPTEMBER: DOING BETTER

Personally I feel that in certain areas of my life, I have not been the best version of myself nor have a strived to be. In my last post I shared how important it is to grow from mistakes and how we need to focus on doing better rather than just knowing better. So this September I really want to act on this and form new habits.

I encourage you to try setting a focus/theme for this month, and actively use September  as a chance to grow. If you decide to have the same focus as me or come up with your own do share them with me!

With love always,

Temi xx

HAVE YOU LEARNT YOUR LESSON?

Do you ever feel like sometimes life is just passing you by? Like everyone around you is moving forward, but your life is at a standstill? You know you could be better, you could do better, but it feels as though you keep hitting the same walls but in different ways?

What God made me to realise is that we are at fault and are preventing our own growth. We are consumed by the distractions of life that we don’t acknowledge the destructive behaviours that our holding us back.

The same problem will keep reoccurring in different ways until the lesson is learnt. In order for that lesson to be learnt something about your behaviour must change. Majority of us can acknowledge when we have made a mistake but how many of us can say we have actually made changes to our behaviour to prevent it from happening again?

GROWTH IS NOT KNOWING BETTER BUT DOING BETTER.

 We need to take the time to evaluate ourselves and the habits that may be preventing you from moving forward. God will not take you to the next level if you are not ready. Sometimes we are so disconnected from life spiritually that we don’t even realise that we have been in the same spot for too long.

Time is the most precious thing on this Earth. It cannot be duplicated, bought or sold. It is more valuable than money. So how are you using your time? Take a look at how you’ve spent your day for example. Have you used it to invest in yourself? Or have you spent it all on social media investing in others? As much as God is in control, we need to take responsibility for our own growth.

We need to be evolving all the time to keep moving to the next level. We need to constantly be evaluating our behaviours to see if they are preventing or promoting growth. For example, over the last two weeks I decided to dedicate 30mins each morning to reading. I realised that if I can spend 1 hour watching Love and Hip Hop that is adding nothing to my life and possibly even reducing my IQ, I can spend 30minutes reading something to impact my life positively.

If you look back over your life, and your challenges and bad experiences have not changed you in a positive way, then you run the risk of experiencing them again until something about you has changed.

If we do not engage with the lessons God is trying to teach us through the challenges of our lives, then we will never move forward.

There is so much we can do to be better yet we spend so much time on things that aren’t helping us to be better. Do not underestimate the power of making small changes each day. Every investment you make in yourself is never wasted.

As always, with love,

Temi xx

YOU ARE VALUABLE

To be valuable:

To have qualities worthy of respect, admiration, or esteem.

When you are valuable:

-Many see, but cannot attain;

– Some go above their means to attain;

– Only few can attain.

Many see, but cannot attain: When you have value you will not be attainable to everyone. When I was younger I used to quantify my worth by how much attention I got. But what I failed to realise is that when you are of high value, you become intimidating and not everyone has access to you. Attention is not a reflection of your worth. God is not going to reveal how valuable you are to everyone, so do not devalue yourself in order to become attainable to the masses.

Some go above their means to attain: These are probably the most dangerous ones. They know they do not deserve you, but when you do not know your worth they are able to get what they do not deserve. They may present themselves as worthy, but this image/lifestyle that they cannot sustain. This becomes apparent with time. Not everyone that gives you attention or shows interest deserves you.

Only a few can attain: To be able differentiate between these and the ones that go above their means takes patience and discernment from God. These people see your true worth and never make you feel less than that. They are not intimidated by your greatness but inspired by it.

You have to be careful of who you give yourself to. No matter how good their intentions may seem, not everyone deserves to know every part of you. You do not want to be left feeling robbed because you did not know your value.

This is not just focusing on relationships, but this can be applied to anything you have to offer. For example your craft, or your time etc. Don’t let people take advantage. Humans are opportunists. But think about it, if you could get something good for cheaper than it should be, why wouldn’t you?

One of the most important relationships you will ever have is the one you have with yourself however this is one of the most neglected. I urge you to take the time necessary to really begin to appreciate yourself and understand that you are valuable.

Know that you are beautiful in spite of what the world says.

Know that you are wonderfully and fearfully made.

Know that God has said that you are valuable, it is up to you whether you choose to accept it.

ARE YOU WILLING TO GIVE UP THE MAN OF YOUR DREAMS – FOR THE MAN OF GOD’S PLAN?

The man of our dreams is perfect and can do no wrong and has been idolised in our mind. Whereas the man of God’s plan lacks perfection, but is perfect in purpose.

The man of our dreams has been created by us. It is not a mystery why women upon entering relationships find themselves trying to mould and change the person they are with.

Are you too focused on your fantasy that you are ignoring what God has planned for you?

This is not to say that you shouldn’t have standards, but are your standards based on vanity or on God’s guidelines?

The man of your dreams is everything you want whereas the man of Gods plan is everything you need.

When you focus on the man of your dreams you look for what you want rather than what you need. The things that used to be important to YOU now seem so far away. At some point in your life you will experience a time where someone is presented to you that seems so right that it almost feels cruel for them not to have been sent by God.

One of life’s greatest tests is walking away from something you want because you know it’s not what you need.

Sometimes it’s not obvious as the person may tick all the superficial and skin deep boxes and if life was just about getting Instagram likes then this would be enough. But we have to think deeper than that. We have to think long-term. Are you on the same page spiritually? Do they see your weaknesses and build you up? Are they a partner in purpose?

When we shift our focus from things that we need to the things that we want we start making decisions based on emotions.

It’s hard to walk away from seeing everything you want in the flesh because we cannot see beyond what is in front of us. The fear of the unknown begins to strike. What if they are the one? What if I’m making a mistake? I know the bible says this isn’t right but then why would God bring them into my life?

You have to think of the costs of your compromises. Making a compromise is like buying something with a credit card. They allow you to enjoy now but sooner or later you have to pay up. Often, the paying up later hurts more as it leads to regrets and resentment.

God has designed our lives so that we can only take one day at a time. So it’s hard to have faith in what is to come. But we have to remember that God has made a person specifically for us. You won’t have to make costly compromises for this person, as they were made to match you perfectly.

So are you going to give up the man/woman of your dreams for the man/woman of Gods plan?

With love always,

Temi xx

IS GOD SILENT? OR ARE YOU NOT MOVING?

Recently I have been going through a season of feeling unmotivated and just unsatisfied with life. I remember asking God to get me out of it but I didn’t hear anything back from him. Because of this I found myself pulling further away from God and not dedicating as much time as used to for him.

It’s so easy to feel like God is silent in our lives. God is the perfect thing to use as a scapegoat when things aren’t going right.

It wasn’t until I made the effort to go to church last Sunday that I felt a recharge. That’s when I realised the problem was me.

There are periods in our lives where we feel stagnant and unmotivated. It can feel as though we are asking God for help but it is as if our prayers have been ignored.

When this happens you need to realise that it is time to move. It is time to make some sort of change in your life; as your current lifestyle and habits cannot accommodate the next stage of God’s plan for your life.

God isn’t silent he just needs you to meet him halfway. He is more than capable of doing what you asked for, he just requires effort from you. God wants to invest in you but he needs a business plan. He wants to see commitment and drive.

God doesn’t call the able he calls the available. He takes the little we have and multiplies it. A child reaches out when they want to be picked up ad held. God is waiting for us to reach out so he can direct us to our next level.

“In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead.”

James 2:17 (NIV)

We often are waiting for God to do something supernatural and to watch him physically move mountains to show and prove himself. But sometimes it is us that need to do the moving. We need to take the first step. God has laid promises of blessings and prosperity on us, but we can’t have access to this until we move. When we ask God for things he gives us faith in his abilities. But once we receive this faith it is time for us to move. If we don’t actually take a step and move it is as if we don’t have him at all. Yes, God told you he will do It,  just like he told Joshua the wall of Jericho will fall. But in order for this to be fulfilled Joshua had to march. Yes, David had been empowered to defeat Goliath but in order for this to be fufilled he had to move and physically throw the rock. God takes a simple move and transforms it into something greater.

God is the ‘extra’ and we are the ‘ordinary’. If you want to see the extraordinary in your life you have to do your part.

As always,

With love Temi xx

 

WHAT TO DO WHEN YOU’RE THE JEALOUS FRIEND

When I see things like “get rid of all the jealous and envious people in your life.” I won’t lie it makes me feel some kind of way. Because sometimes I am that person! Sometimes I am jealous of my friends and people I don’t know. I obviously don’t want to feel jealous, does anyone? But It’s hard not knowing what to do with these emotions.

Of  course we know it’s not good, we all know that. But it is an emotion that we are allowed to feel. I feel that by telling ourselves that only bad people and bad friends feel jealous of others does not allow us to deal with jealousy correctly.

 JEALOUSLY:

Feeling or showing an envious resentment of their achievements or perceived advantages.

Perceived advantages. This stuck with me. Jealously makes us to compare and feel inferior to someone. We look at them and wonder why they have something that we don’t. We start to wonder if we had whatever they had how much better our life would be. But if you think about it, this is all perceived. This is the way we have interpreted the situation. We have decided all of this all on our own simply because of insecurity. So what if this isn’t actually true? When we see something that someone else has that we don’t we automatically decide that this means that this is the reason their life is better than ours.

We decide that this thing is what we need to make our lives better. But last time I checked we are all unique and have different lives.

Their better is not necessarily your better.

There is nothing wrong with feeling jealous. It is human to feel emotion which is temporary feeling. It is what permanent decisions we make based on it that is important.

1.  First things first – Accept that you feel jealous. Acknowledge it and even tell God that you feel this way and that you don’t want to. Covering it up with fakeness is like planting a seed and giving it the darkness it needs to grow.
2. Tell yourself that this is not you. Remind yourself about the good in your life and the good in you.
3. Remind yourself that their better is not your better. What is good for you will find you. It may seem like nothing is working out in your life, but that is a lie you have told yourself. All things work together for our good even the things we think are bad. Your better is coming and you need to constantly remind yourself of that.
4. When negative emotions seem to be the only thing that you are feeling you need to counter act it with positivity. Darkness only flourishes with the absence of light so don’t give negativity and jealousy the darkness it needs to grow.

 

With love,

Temi xx

• If you need advice or just need someone to talk to, feel free to email me on withlovetemi@gmail.com

THE PURPOSE BEHIND YOUR PERSONALITY

At my local connect group (a meeting with my church family) we started talking about what are some things that we may miss in ourselves that others may see. It was a beautiful experience that made me realise how subtle the holy spirit can work in us. Recently I have been going through a phase where I had begun to question Gods presence in my life and compare myself to those who had a greater spiritual experiences such as speaking in tongues.

But at connect I realised God likes to work subtly sometimes. Just because you’re not casting out demons, speaking in tongues or walking on water does not mean God is not using you. God is still working through you. There is a purpose to our personality that God wants to use.

It could be as subtle as your gentle spirit, your hospitality, your strength that helped you overcome a struggle.

Often, we are too busy paying to attention to other people looking after their gardens that we don’t notice the seed God has placed in our hands. We are always looking for more rather than appreciating what God has already given us.

We need to trust our walk with God and be more sensitive to our environment and even our personality traits. Reflect on the reasons why you went through what you did how this made you as a person, look at what you are passionate about. These are all things that others could learn from.

We forget that God can use even our personality to change people’s life. Someone needs what you have to offer. For example, your caring nature may seem insignificant to you but it’s that same nature that could potentially be a light in someone’s life who really needs it.

It can be hard trying to discover our purpose, as some are not as easy to identify as others. But maybe it’s not as hard as we think it is. It might be as simple as using what comes so naturally to us – being ourselves to be a blessing onto others.

Jenny Giplin said “we underestimate the uniqueness of our calling” Not only this, I think we underestimate how and why God made us the way we are and how necessary it is for our purpose. There are certain people that you are meant to influence purely based on your nature that God is only giving you access to.

Embrace every part of you the parts your proud of and the parts you’re not so proud of. Being yourself is so important. It is that authenticity that God wants to use to lead people back to him. Use the little you think God has given you to impact someone’s life and see where it takes you.

With love,

Temi xx

What Does it Mean To Be Enough?

Recently I’ve been struggling with being enough. Feeling as though I’m not pretty enough to not wear make-up, not smart enough and feeling like I have not lost enough weight. These thoughts began to consume me and take over. It got me thinking, what is this ‘enough’ that I am actually trying to get to? What does it actually mean to be enough? What will it feel like to actually get to enough? I remember saying to myself that once I lost 50 pounds I would start to see myself differently and feel happy within myself. But once I got there and the way I saw myself had not changed it began to make me question aiming to be enough. Does ‘enough’ actually exisit? Is there a stage in life where I would be completely happy and feel as though nothing needs improvement?

ENOUGH:

• As much or as many required
• To the required degree or extent

Feeling like you are not enough causes you to look outside for help to increase your value, however , this gives a false sense of accomplishment as in reality it is actually decreasing our value. For example, I began to use make-up as a mask to hide behind, thinking that it was making me better and increasing my worth when it was actually making me feel worse.

When in the mind-set of trying to be enough it means we are susceptible to seeking validation from others. We will always use the opinion of others to validate ourselves to feel enough. So maybe one day we do feel enough we can quickly be disheartened by others to feel as though we are not enough. As “enough” is not a fixed value. It is subject to change. It is based on emotions not facts and its relative. So to base our worth on ‘enough’ is risky as anything emotion based is unreliable.

So maybe we need to change our approach to the way we think. Centring our lives around chasing ‘enough’ will always leave us feeling inadequate as we are measuring ourselves up against a standard that doesn’t even exist. For example,saying: “I’m not pretty enough.” For you to have decided this,  means that you have used a standard to measure yourself up against. But who is to say that standard is right? Who is to say there is only one standard of beauty? Who is to say there is one standard of measuring intelligence? Who is to say there is one standard of measuring success?

The subtle beauty of life is that it is all about choices. We knowingly and unknowingly make them. Some negative choices have become habits so they no longer feel like a choice. But habits can be broken and new ones can be made, it just requires us to make a choice to. It is up to you to decide whether to live up to societies unrealistic measures of being enough, or to create your own.

With love,

Temi xx

DON’T THINK, JUST DO IT

What if those dreams you have aren’t just meant for when you’re sleeping? What if those passions you have are for a reason? What if that ‘silly’ idea that came into your mind could impact a generation?

Society tries to put us in a box, it tries to make us all the same. It tries to make us small minded and it tries to make us ‘realistic’. As a result, the thought of greatness begins to scare us. In the words of Marianne Williamson:

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.”

It is our potential for greatness that overwhelms us. But when we have been taught all our lives to be realistic, to set ‘sensible’ goals, that people who have done great things are ‘lucky’ why wouldn’t the thought of us being just as great scare us?

The longer we ponder, the more we come up with reasons not to get started.

Sometimes life requires us to take a leap of faith without thinking of the consequences and just know that someway somehow, everything will work out.

How many times have you convinced yourself not to do something? It’s time for a new strategy. Instead of talking yourself out of it talk yourself into it.

If you think about majority of the role models and people we aspire to be like, they all had the same starting point as us. They all had what seemed like a silly idea or a dream that seemed to big to carry.

Don’t think, Just do it.

Don’t waste your time thinking about everything that could go wrong. Don’t wait for a convenient time to start (there will never be one). Don’t worry about where you will get the money (especially when there is a God that supplies all of your needs). If something is meant for you, then everything will fall into place. Every hardship will lead to a greater blessing.

There will always be a reason why you shouldn’t do something. There will always be a reason why you could fail.

Dreams are not meant to be realistic. They’re not meant to be sensible. They don’t even need to make sense. They are meant to be bigger than you.

Don’t think, just do it!

With love,

Temi xx