HOW I LOVE MYSELF, WHEN I DON’T LIKE MYSELF…

I have battled with the idea of self-love for a while, especially in this whole body confidence era, I didn’t understand why I had to love myself and “be happy” at the size I was, when I knew self-discipline was what was holding me back. These days we are told to love everything about ourselves and who we are is who we are, but I didn’t understand why I had to force this idea that I love who I am when I knew there were things I clearly didn’t like about myself, some of which I could change and some that I was stuck with.

I thought about how God loves us, no matter what we do but still calls us to be better. How we are God’s children who he love unconditionally but you can also be his friend too. How Jesus loved us so much that he died for us, but still got angry when we committed sin.

What if self-love does not have to be an all or nothing approach? What if I could love myself, without necessarily liking everything about myself?

Self-Love is the unconditional way you treat yourself.

Self-Like is the response which is relative to where you are in your life, and will always change!

 

“I love who I am but I don’t like the way I look“

You are not always going to like what you see in the mirror, and I don’t think it’s realistic to pretend you will. But what you can control is how you treat yourself during those periods. Make a conscience effort to be kind to yourself no matter what. Love lets us focus on what we do have.

It sounds cliché, but you need to realise your identity and what you have to offer the world is way more than what you look like. Your worth is much deeper than that. If it’s something you can change, love yourself enough to achieve it through discipline, if it is how you were made, love yourself enough to know that your worth is not decreased by your imperfections.

I have felt such freedom, in being able to look in the mirror and show myself love by being kind to myself regardless of whether I like what I see.

I love who am but I don’t like what I do. 

We all make mistakes and we can all recognize there are things we do that do not allow us to be the best we can be. Recognising this dislike allows us to know where we need to change. Self-love gives us the protection that even if we fail at what we have challenged ourselves to overcome, we can love ourselves enough to try again, because love wants the best for us. Love gives us another try. Love builds us up.

“I love who I am but I don’t like where I am”

Not every season in life makes us feel good. But we love ourselves enough to push through and keep going. Emotions based on what season you are in is not your identity. Angry is not who you are. Doubtful is not who you are. These are all responses to your environment that you can change. For example, on a healthy lifestyle journey when you don’t see results straight away you can still love yourself by knowing (and telling yourself) that your identity is much more than what you look like physically and show love regardless by disciplining myself and not giving up.

We do not need to have an all or nothing approach. You can love yourself without liking everything about yourself because love is much deeper than that. What you like about yourself will change. How you treat yourself shouldn’t.

With Love,

Temi xx

 

THE SELF LOVE DECISION – WHAT IT ACTUALLY MEANS

 

This year I decided to go on a self-love journey. I wanted to really love myself finally. 

To want to love yourself and to actually love yourself are two different things, I always had the intent but didn’t really know how to execute it.

After praying to God about this one day I stood in front of the mirror – like okay God! Time to love myself! any minute now! As you can imagine I didn’t feel any different. So I knew something was wrong.

So I decided to change tactics. I read the famous Corinthians 13 and watched a few sermons. Which was when I had realised I had got it all wrong. I had completely miss understood what love was. I had reduced love to just an emotion, a tingling feeling in my body. For my whole life I had been waiting for an feeling of love. Not realising that love is way more than that.

Love is a conscious decision/demonstration, where conscious actions are made. To reduce love to just a feeling would be to massively underestimate its power, purpose and capability. It would reduce it to a temporary thing.

You can literally decide to love yourself. All this time I had been waiting for an emotion without realising that it was my actions towards myself that needed to change.

Making the decision to love yourself is easy, its the living in that decison that takes work.

Once you make that decision you need to:

1. Protect that decision: Maybe there are things you need to stop doing that make you lose confidence in that decision (for example social media) or things you need to start doing that grow your confidence in that decision. 
2. Trust that decision: Know that the love you are giving you are giving yourself isn’t what you feel at that time but what you know. 
3. Hope in that decision: Have hope that the decision you’ve made to love yourself will change your negative perspective of life to positive.
4. Persevere in that decision: In a world that tells you to compare yourself to others and makes you feel inadequate, you have to persevere and go against the norm in the decision you’ve made to know that you are good enough.

Once you fully master how to show love to yourself, you will be able to successfully reciprocate this unto other people.

I would encourage you to read 1 Corinthians 13: 4-7 make notes on how you can demonstrate love to God and to yourself. Also I have attached this video by transformation church that really helped me understand these concepts too!

With love always,

Temi xx

 

 

THIS THING CALLED LOVE: Grasping God’s Love

To reduce love to just an emotion would be to completely underestimate its power, purpose and capabilities.

When we think of love we automatically think of an emotion or feeling. But if we look at the definition of an emotion and feeling:

“A strong feeling deriving from one’s circumstances, mood, or relationships with others.”

“An emotional state or reaction”

This shows that emotions are dependent. Therefore they are temporary. They can be easily swayed or altered by circumstances, people or your environment. There is no way that these definitions can sum up the way God loves us. Think about all the times we are unfaithful and disobedient to God. Surely if love was based on this there is no way we would have any chance of salvation.

The love God has for us has to be more than this. It has to mean more than this.  It can’t be just an emotion. The emotion would not have the power or the capacity to save us no matter what we’ve gone through or done.

There are some things we need to understand about God’s love that are omitted if we just see love as an emotion:

• Nothing can separate us from God’s love

“ For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Romans 8:38-39

Literally nothing can separate us from God’s love. God’s love isn’t based on circumstances, there is nothing you can do that will separate you from God’s love. We need to remember this in situations. God doesn’t love like the world teaches us to love. No good thing or bad thing can make him love you anymore or any less.

There is a common misconception of how sin affects our relationship with God.

The consequence of Sin is not a reduction of God’s love but it is a reduction of God’s presence.

When you move away from God’s presence this removes you from his light. When you are away from God’s light you allow darkness in. Darkness invites shame and guilt which invites more darkness. If you understand that God still loves you no matter what, you will find it easier to come back to him because you know that you are coming back to a loving God.

• Perfect love casts out all fear:

One thing that prevents us from coming back to God is because we don’t understand his love. If we don’t know that we are coming back to a loving God, we can be afraid to come back out of fear of condemnation, being judged etc. But if we truly understand and accept God’s love in our life we will know that:

“Such love has no fear, because perfect love expels all fear. If we are afraid, it is for fear of punishment, and this shows that we have not fully experienced his perfect love.’

1 John 4:18

I’m not sure if we could ever understand the capacity of God’s love. Sometimes I wonder how God could love me so much. I’m sure I’m not the only one. But I think we need to stop questioning why we are worthy and just trust and believe God’s word that tells us we are worthy.

“Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.”

Mark 12:30-31

There must be a reason why Jesus said out of all the commandments this was the greatest one. There must be a great power in loving God.

I would encourage you to read 1 John 4. Once we understand God’s love we can begin to reciprocate this onto ourselves and onto others which is the next greatest commandments that Jesus told us about. I will be covering these later on.

If you would like to discuss any of these further, feel free to send me a message!

With love always,

Temi xx

NO MORE WAITING FOR MR/MRS RIGHT…

You are not an afterthought. You are not there to serve someone as it pleases them. You are not there for when someone gets bored.

Why do we allow ourselves to be treated as such?

It is not worth losing part of yourself to accommodate someone else. You do not need to shrink back, so that someone else can fit. They can never complete you. Your DNA is not theirs. They can never fill up where you have lost yourself because they are not you.

And how many times have you said “One day I’ll find someone that treats me better”

Let’s take back control.

It’s not about waiting for someone to treat you better. Let’s stop relying on others to validate ourselves. We are always shifting our worth from one person’s opinion to the next. We need to stop giving other people the power to judge the way they think we should be treated but how you believe you should be treated. Do not believe you have to accept everything you are offered.

Instead of waiting for Mr/Mrs right to show us how to be treated; Let’s start focusing on how we are treating ourselves. We need to start setting new standards in our lives. Not just in relationships but in every aspect of our lives.

If you don’t give yourself the best you can’t expect anyone to else simply because you don’t know how it feels to be given the best. if we only accept the best from ourselves FIRST, it will be harder to accept anything less from others. This might be working out because you deserve to have the best body you can get. Putting in effort in your education because you deserve the best grade. It will be very hard to accept just anyone into your life when you uphold yourself to a high standard.

It’s so easy to settle when we meet a person, we think “well I don’t know when the next person will come along’. Low self-worth allows us to believe that we need to take what we can get. But regardless of  whether or not someone comes into your life, it’s important that you feel secure enough within yourself because you know how to give yourself the best. A person should never be a competition but only ever be an addition to your life.

It’s time to evaluate. Have you been giving yourself the best? Is this reflecting in your past and present relationships?

With love always

Temi xx

 

OCTOBER: THE MIND RESET

Hi everyone,

I hope you all had a blessed September. For me September was all about doing better. By doing so, I was able to realise how much the mind and how we think has an affect on the outcome of our behaviour. I was able to see that doing better involved changing the way I think.

I realised how many unhealthy beliefs I had, I constantly tell myself I am not good enough, smart enough even pretty enough. All of these beliefs have not allowed me to reach my full potential and I know I am not the only one.

Have you ever wondered why you believe what you do? Why do we believe the sky is blue? why do we believe red is red and 1+1 is 2? It’s because:

• We have been told by a credible source;
• The process of repetition.

Thats why my focus for October is about reprogramming the mind by challenging the negative self-beliefs I have so that they reflect what I want to achieve this year. Its going to require me to:

• Believe a credible source – Listening to what God says about me
• Use the process of repetition: Using positive affirmations everyday until I believe it

I encourage you to challenge you negative self-beliefs with these tools, and see what you end up achieving. If you decide to have the same focus as me or come up with your own do let me know!

With love always,

Temi xx

YOU ARE VALUABLE

To be valuable:

To have qualities worthy of respect, admiration, or esteem.

When you are valuable:

-Many see, but cannot attain;

– Some go above their means to attain;

– Only few can attain.

Many see, but cannot attain: When you have value you will not be attainable to everyone. When I was younger I used to quantify my worth by how much attention I got. But what I failed to realise is that when you are of high value, you become intimidating and not everyone has access to you. Attention is not a reflection of your worth. God is not going to reveal how valuable you are to everyone, so do not devalue yourself in order to become attainable to the masses.

Some go above their means to attain: These are probably the most dangerous ones. They know they do not deserve you, but when you do not know your worth they are able to get what they do not deserve. They may present themselves as worthy, but this image/lifestyle that they cannot sustain. This becomes apparent with time. Not everyone that gives you attention or shows interest deserves you.

Only a few can attain: To be able differentiate between these and the ones that go above their means takes patience and discernment from God. These people see your true worth and never make you feel less than that. They are not intimidated by your greatness but inspired by it.

You have to be careful of who you give yourself to. No matter how good their intentions may seem, not everyone deserves to know every part of you. You do not want to be left feeling robbed because you did not know your value.

This is not just focusing on relationships, but this can be applied to anything you have to offer. For example your craft, or your time etc. Don’t let people take advantage. Humans are opportunists. But think about it, if you could get something good for cheaper than it should be, why wouldn’t you?

One of the most important relationships you will ever have is the one you have with yourself however this is one of the most neglected. I urge you to take the time necessary to really begin to appreciate yourself and understand that you are valuable.

Know that you are beautiful in spite of what the world says.

Know that you are wonderfully and fearfully made.

Know that God has said that you are valuable, it is up to you whether you choose to accept it.

What Does it Mean To Be Enough?

Recently I’ve been struggling with being enough. Feeling as though I’m not pretty enough to not wear make-up, not smart enough and feeling like I have not lost enough weight. These thoughts began to consume me and take over. It got me thinking, what is this ‘enough’ that I am actually trying to get to? What does it actually mean to be enough? What will it feel like to actually get to enough? I remember saying to myself that once I lost 50 pounds I would start to see myself differently and feel happy within myself. But once I got there and the way I saw myself had not changed it began to make me question aiming to be enough. Does ‘enough’ actually exisit? Is there a stage in life where I would be completely happy and feel as though nothing needs improvement?

ENOUGH:

• As much or as many required
• To the required degree or extent

Feeling like you are not enough causes you to look outside for help to increase your value, however , this gives a false sense of accomplishment as in reality it is actually decreasing our value. For example, I began to use make-up as a mask to hide behind, thinking that it was making me better and increasing my worth when it was actually making me feel worse.

When in the mind-set of trying to be enough it means we are susceptible to seeking validation from others. We will always use the opinion of others to validate ourselves to feel enough. So maybe one day we do feel enough we can quickly be disheartened by others to feel as though we are not enough. As “enough” is not a fixed value. It is subject to change. It is based on emotions not facts and its relative. So to base our worth on ‘enough’ is risky as anything emotion based is unreliable.

So maybe we need to change our approach to the way we think. Centring our lives around chasing ‘enough’ will always leave us feeling inadequate as we are measuring ourselves up against a standard that doesn’t even exist. For example,saying: “I’m not pretty enough.” For you to have decided this,  means that you have used a standard to measure yourself up against. But who is to say that standard is right? Who is to say there is only one standard of beauty? Who is to say there is one standard of measuring intelligence? Who is to say there is one standard of measuring success?

The subtle beauty of life is that it is all about choices. We knowingly and unknowingly make them. Some negative choices have become habits so they no longer feel like a choice. But habits can be broken and new ones can be made, it just requires us to make a choice to. It is up to you to decide whether to live up to societies unrealistic measures of being enough, or to create your own.

With love,

Temi xx

SEE THE BEAUTY IN YOUR IMPERFECTIONS

See the beauty in your imperfections. Embrace everything that makes you different. Embrace your past. Embrace your mistakes.

If you keep measuring yourself against the world’s standard you will always come up short.

Why would God waste his time creating something useless? If he can give trees purpose, if he can give insects purpose, why would he not give you one? Do not devalue yourself because of a person’s inability to see your greatness. Not everyone is going to see how great you are and quite frankly, not everyone deserves to. Do not give people the power to design and mould your life based on worldly standards that are impossible to achieve.

It’s time for you to take action. Take control of your life. Take control of your happiness. Life is full of choices. You have a choice of what you accept in your life. Surround yourself with people who see the best in you, not those that keep you trapped in your past. Your only concern should be making today better than yesterday. Do not be a slave to your past. We are only able to live one day at a time – not the past, not the future but the present. Acknowledge your past, be conscious about your future by using what you can control which is the present. Everyday provides new opportunities to be blessed and be a blessing.

“You are not obliged to be the person you were five minutes ago”

 Yes, your past led you to where you are today, but it does not have to define you. You get to decide what you accept or reject in your life.

With love,

Temi xx